Awesome

Sometimes I feel lonely, then I figure… I am the most possible awesome company to keep, so it can’t be that bad.

This has been the single most dramatic three month span of my life. I spent almost a week in the ICU. I quit an eleven year nicotine addiction. I ended a ten year relationship. &I finished a semester of graduate school with excellent execution.

and I feel good.

I feel happy. I can’t remember the last time I felt genuinely happy… like everything was really going to be alright in the long run. I wholeheartedly believe that I am going to make the correct life choices. I am going to make the decisions that take my life where it is meant to go. I am not going to sit by while I ride passenger to someone else’s crashing train. If I want to crash my own train, I certainly will… but I have had my fill of that.

I cannot control the world. I cannot control other people. I can’t make someone treat me right. I can’t make someone respect me. but If they don’t do either of those things, then fuck them. Merry Fuck You! I now have the amount of tolerance for disrespect and maltreatment as I always should have—fucking zero.

I am awesome and it has not been an easy road believing that… but I do. I think I finally love myself more than anyone (…other than my mother maybe). Sure, my EX misses me but shit, I’d miss me too! &My point here is that everyone else on the planet should feel the same way! Love yourself.

For the love of all that is holy, love yourself. You are the only person that has control over your life. Do not learn that because you lost that control. I lost it. I let someone else completely control my emotions and it left me completely devastated, depressed, miserable, and suicidal. but He’s gone now… and all those feelings are gone. I’m not sad. I am not miserable. I am not depressed. I do not want to end it all.

I love myself and everything I am capable of… that I never could have done with him around.

 

“Go you!”
”Yeah.. go me!”

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